My Internal Image Blog

Many women go about life with the if-then fallacy: If only I was better looking, or if only I were in better shape, then I would be happy. With this outlook, your true beauty and the body you always dreamed of will always elude you. This fallacy is something you always seem to chase but never attain. You then become frustrated and eventually give up because what you really want appears to be impossible.

Here's the good news and the truth: you are whole, perfect, and complete right now, where you are. You just have to get out of your own way and stop believing all those self-defeating, limiting beliefs that keep you from achieving what is possible. No matter who your are, what you have or don't have, the best of you is just waiting to be awakened.

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Is your energy working for you or against you? It is import to know that “energy attracts like energy” according to the Law of Attraction. It’s like having a bad hair day. If you start your day thinking your hair is a mess, the rest of your day unfolds as a mess as well. You encounter mean people and overall your day seems to suck.

The same is true for shifting your energy in a positive direction. So here are some tips from my coaching toolbox, as well as tips I’ve gathered over the years from successful businesswomen, female athletes, moms, students, and friends.

1) Music - Cue up your favorite tune. Choose a song that has high energy and lyrics that are affirming. Sappy love songs or songs of lost love are not recommended. “See the Light” by Green Day, “Affirmation” by Savage Garden, “If Today was Your Last Day” by Nickleback are a few lively suggestions.

2) Gratitude – Begin your days recognizing at least three things for which you are grateful. Perhaps you’re grateful for a hot shower, your home, and the love and support of a good friend or family member. Each day, choose three new things without repeating what you came up with previously.

3) Take a walk – Get out and get moving. If you work indoors, bring a pair of walking shoes to work with you. Walk on your breaks, during your lunch hour, or when you get home. Enjoy the fresh air and get some vitamin D from the sun.

4) Write an affirmation – The truth is you believe everything you tell yourself. Criticizing yourself in any way, shape or form will zap your energy in an instant. You want something like, “I am a strong, confident woman making strides to enjoy my life experience each day.” Make it personal and positive. Tape it to your bathroom mirror so you are greeted with it at the start of your day.

5) Experience nature – Go to the beach, take a stroll in the forest, or visit a flower garden, depending on where you live. It’s important to see the beauty in our environment when our world seems filled with negativity.

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How do you relate to your mate? Self-care is a key component of maintaining a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship. If any of these signs apply to you, you are selling yourself short by putting your energy into maintaining his happiness and ignoring your own. Do any of these apply to you?

You Placate
You say what you think he would want to hear rather than what you actually want or feel. In this scenario you are unconsciously protecting yourself from criticism or rejection. Be honest, say what you mean, and mean what you say. You want to be accepted for who you are, not what you think he wants you to be.

You Dismiss What You Want
He asks you, “Where would you like to go eat?” You mention your favorite place, but then you dismiss it by saying something like “But we don’t have to go there. Wherever you want to go is fine with me.” He’ll be happy he got what he wanted, but you miss out on what you want. He was kind enough to offer to go where you want. Thank him and go get what you want. Chances are he really wants you to have it your way.

Peace at Any Price
He does something that troubles you and you overlook it by making excuses for his actions. You’re thinking it is better to avoid the argument than to risk upsetting him for fear he will reject you. The problem is, you are still bothered by it. If you are bothered by something he did, tell him and take responsibility for your feelings. Say something like, “I felt (your feeling) when you did (his action). I’m curious, what was your intention?” This will lead to a discussion instead of an argument.

You Change Your Plans
You were going to train for a marathon or go back to school. Then you saw that this would require time away from him, making you feel that spending time with him was more important. Thus, you sacrifice what you want for him. If the relationship is healthy, he will want to support you in your endeavor. With his support, use good time management skills here and schedule time to be together. Quality time is what you want verses quantity of time.

You Give More Than You Receive
You spend a lot of time investing in the relationship and are happy as long as he is happy. He, on the other hand, does not invest as much and is content that you are doing all the work.

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