Why do so many people who make New Year resolutions fail to see them through? Gym memberships sky rocket at the beginning of the year. In the weeks that follow, gyms are packed with well-intentioned new members who set out to finally get into shape and make that wishful transformation. Soon the crowds in the gym dwindle as the majority of new members lose motivation and quit coming as they give up on their goals. They return to the same habits and behaviors they are comfortable with and have known all their lives.
The truth of the matter is that for many a New Year resolution is just another form of procrastination. It creates an opportunity to escape the work that is necessary to make the change that is wished for. It also creates a false sense that the change will actually happen.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines resolution as “the act of finding an answer to a conflict, problem, etc. : the act of resolving something.” Not very motivating. Conflicts and problems are not very appealing. Alternatively, Merriam-Webster’s second definition of revolution is “a sudden, extreme, or complete change in the way people live, work, etc.” Now that’s more like it.
Transformation requires major change in the way you work, play, eat, sleep, manage your time, and most of all…how you think. Click here for a few tips to help you develop a revolutionary mindset so you can get on track to obtaining the transformation you’ve always dreamed of.
In the aftermath of a breakup come the feelings of sadness, regret, isolation, loneliness and an overall sense of pain. Since our natural instinct is to avoid pain, this can lead to developing beliefs and habits designed to protect you, but in the long run give you a disservice. Be aware of negative thought patterns that bring you down.
Thoughts of avoidance
This is where you get into thinking things like “all men are the same,” “all the good guys are taken” or “all guys are creeps.” These thoughts give you the excuse to avoid dating, thus avoiding any chance of getting involved in another relationship which might lead you to heartbreak. The result is isolation and loneliness.
Thoughts of self-blame
Another dangerous turn to take is down the road of beating yourself up. You may try to justify the breakup by unnecessarily holding yourself accountable by finding some flaw in yourself that you believe turned him off. These types of thoughts kill your sense of self worth and keep you feeling insecure. By avoiding these thoughts you can evaluate your lost relationship and grow from it. Here are some positive actions to take to get you out of the rut of feeling rejected.
Lessen the blow of the loss
Create a list of all the things you didn't like about your ex. Think of things in his attitude that bothered you or in some ways that he didn’t treat you as you would have preferred. Focus on all that was wrong in the relationship. This will help you avoid falling into the feelings of lost romance you experienced while in the relationship.
Create a list of your best qualities
If you’re having trouble with this when you’re feeling low ask your close friends or family members to share what they think are your best qualities. Do not dismiss their comments by thinking they’re only telling you this to be nice. Who are you to make a judgment about their intentions? In general, people don’t give others compliments because their intention is simply to make them feel better. Think about it. Do you?
Don’t regret the relationship
There are no mistakes. Yes, you heard me right. Think of it this way: A mistake is an experience in your life that helps you remember more of who you really are. Now is your opportunity to get clear on your identity and build on your sense of self-worth. Take time to invest in yourself. Chances are, part of you got lost in the relationship, and that is why it failed. You deserve nothing but the best of what love has to offer. Take time now to fall in love with yourself.
The truth is, a better relationship will come. So don’t look back. The heartbreak won’t last and you’ll experience brighter days ahead. New opportunities for you to grow and form new relationships will develop if you are open to them. So don’t hide in your sorrow. Be fearless and embrace the change.
What is the quality of your relationship? Is it the type of love that makes you want to shout it out on mountaintops with joy, or has it fallen into the staleness of mediocrity? Are you in a relationship where both of you are thriving, or are you stuck going through the motions thinking this is as good as it gets?
Click here for some ways to evaluate if your relationship is right for you or if you're staying for the wrong reasons.